Why Children Quit
Young people say they quit rowing for the reasons given here:
- Change in interest to other sports and nonsport activities
- Lack of playing time
- Failure and fear of failure
- Disapproval by significant others, often coaches and parents but sometimes teammates
- Psychological stress, usually from too much emphasis on winning
- Too-intense training
- Fear of injury
By far the most common reason young people give quitting rowing is that their interest has shifted to other things, which should not be seen as negative. As we all do, children sample life’s activities to see what they are good at and enjoy doing. If your child does not enjoy rowing but would prefer to play the clarinet, for example, there is nothing wrong with this.
We adults should be concerned, however, when young people quit rowing or any activity because their self-worth is threatened through repeated failure, adult criticism, or inordinate stress. You and your child’s coach are responsible to see that rowing enhances your child’s self-worth, not destroys it. Otherwise, it is best for your daughter or son to seek a more positive activity.
Enhancing Self-Worth
The challenge of helping every athlete feel worthy is a difficult one. Adults must find a way for every athlete to experience success in an environment in which actual winners are few and losers are many. The basic problem is that young athletes learn from coaches, teammates, and parents to gauge their self-worth largely by whether they win or lose. The devastating result is that athletes then feel they can only maintain their sense of self-worth by wining.
Some adults also teach young athletes to believe they are entirely responsible for winning or losing a game. This is certainly incorrect. Wining or losing are determined by many factors, not only the play of any one athlete, but also the play of teammates and opponents, officials’ calls, and luck.
So when young people learn to evaluate their self-worth according to winning and losing, they do so on the basis of something they do not entirely control. This can lead to athletes’ taking credit for success and blame for failure when they are not entirely responsible for either one. Consequently, the most important thing you can do as a parent is to help your child use a different yardstick for success.
Success for an athlete must be seen in terms of exceeding personal goals rather than surpassing the performance of others.
Winning is important, but it becomes secondary to an athlete’s striving to achieve personal goals. In rowing, personal goals might include such things as good balance of the boat, good slide control, being able to start the boat quickly and efficiently, etc.
By learning to focus on personal goals, goals related to behaviors he or she has control over, your child is much more likely to be successful, regardless of the outcome of a game. The important thing for you here is to help your athlete set realistic goals, for doing so ensures a reasonable degree of success. Given all the competitive pressures and peer influence young athletes face, it is you and the coach who must help your child set realistic goals.
When you help your child set realistic goals, she or he will likely experience more success and feel more competent. By becoming more competent, a child gains confidence and can learn skills of moderate difficulty without fearing failure. So you can see that setting realistic goals robs failure of its threat. Rather than indicating that athletes are not worthy, failure indicates they should try harder.
De-emphasize winning reemphasize the attainment of personal goals. This principle is the key to enhancing your young athlete’s feelings of self-worth.
